Well guys it's about that time... Sigh.  My last week! Can you believe how quickly time flies? That comment goes for you and not me, every day here is pole pole, the favourite Swahili saying (pole = slowly) but it still doesn't feel like time to leave.

Our last few weeks have been very hectic, after the school holiday a few things were forgotten and it was a little disheartening realising that you have to be there constantly to make something work, not exactly the end result we had hoped for.  We have done a lot of good and we have implemented sustainable change, but it won't last in its current form without volunteer input - the teachers just haven't got the energy or the same work ethic.

The positives: We've gone from having zero structure to the day to having a well balanced and rehearsed timetable with interactive lessons, food, teeth brushing, playtime, exercise and structured play.  The teachers and children alike enjoy the timetable and everyone seems more stimulated.  The teachers have grown in confidence and their ability to teach in creative ways and use their own ideas have doubled.  The children have also learnt new songs, English and have been taught to use their imaginations with art work, role play and lots of new brain teaser games like jigsaws, snap, memory cards and much more.  We have a bright airy painted school which is kept clean, a new office and a new banda for teaching outside lessons, plus lots of new supplies.

I've learnt so much over the past few months about the Swahili culture, about Tanzania and its ways of life - it's not the sort of place you can just turn up and make 'changes'.  Not that I ever wanted to do that as such, I wanted to help the community we are working in adapt things in their own ways for the better, after all we can't dictate what other people do.  But someone has to want to change, and the people here are very content in their ways of life.  Some of them are starving and others are orphans, there's hardly any work and many people are homeless, but these are not things you can change. 

The negatives: One person can only help a few people at once and one organisation in one village can only help a small group of people.  It feels like a constant battle, (if you care like I do) against culture barriers and against a Government that isn't doing enough for its country, and a people who aren't united in looking towards the future and working towards their own goals.  I guess it must sound like I'm generalising massively, I really don't mean to, I'm talking about Bagamoyo and I'm no expert.  I do feel like I have a better insight into a nation wide problem of poverty and a terrible education system that is failing most of its students. But I do know that volunteering like I have been doing is testing and you don't come out of it feeling like you've solved any problems.  I don't mean to sound negative, but I am realistic about the situation here and the role of the volunteer.

It seems as though too many big charities are ripping off young college kids (I am NOT talking about GVN or the Zukri Foundation here) and too many young kids are just bothered about a) their CV or b) playing with cute babies for 2 weeks, getting a tan then going home again having done nothing.  Unfortunately I seem to care too much to fall in to either of these categories.  If I didn't care then I wouldn't be so frustrated with the outcome and so anxious about the future of the children here.  I had to stop teaching the afternoon lessons for one week because I was becoming so frustrated with going round in circles with the teachers.  We already lost one of the teachers we trained to university and another to a different school, so we are now left with the head teacher and a young woman who has no formal teaching experience and no English.

Culture and language barriers have been massive.  People here just don't speak English and they don't think in the same ways as we do, so how am I supposed to teach adults who not only can't understand me but also if they could understand me wouldn't identify with the concepts I'm talking about?  Words like interaction and creativity don't have Swahili translations and lesson planning, keeping to a timetable and planning for the future are simply not things that Swahili people do.  That's not to say they're not great students, because they are, they're so willing to learn and so curious about other cultures and ways of life.  But it has been a struggle; it has tested everything inside me from patience to positive thinking to improvisation and every once of my energy… that's without mentioning keeping 50 children entertained every day!!

I have so many wonderful stories to tell and individual experiences that have changed my life on the spot and I will remember forever.  Those things are so plentiful, amazing individuals I have met, people making me laugh and cry, the day that the children saw me walking down the path to school and ran all the way together to greet me, Idrisa who always gives me a kiss, Mwanhamisi who is the only one who calls me by my name, having gone from being called Mzungu (slightly derogatory) to Madam (better) to Mwalimu, meaning teacher, the ultimate sign of respect in this culture, not just by the children but also by other people in the village.  Being invited to the Muslim celebrations, Saidi's face when he sees me every day, little Janet clinging on to me all the time, Aleyma and Hidaya, Ramadhani pretending he's the tough guy, little Raimu walking 6km every day to school, Asha the bravest girl in the world, the family who live across from school, Brian our 4 year old neighbour, having a beach fire with dancing and drumming last night to say goodbye.. so many things I can never explain properly but will always feel in my heart.

Three months hasn't been enough, but 'real' life must carry on.  I will be back for more volunteering that's for sure, but I now think I want to start attacking from the top! Grass roots volunteering is an amazing personal experience and you do help other people but what you have to remember is that a 'building a new school project in Africa' may sound nice on paper, but you're actually taking someone’s job.  Ever thought of it that way?  We helped clear the foundations for the new school only because our NGO literally had no money to pay the laborers, but as soon as skilled builders were on sight, what was the point of us being there? None. (Although I did learn that playing with machetes is dangerous haha!) 

My point is, there’s only so much 'difference' you can make.  You have to keep thinking of it in this way: Every day 50 children came to school, they got a meal, they got attention, they got interaction with adults and other children, they played games, songs and learnt some Maths and English, they brushed their teeth, washed their face and got a glass of water.  This is more than they would have done roaming the streets and it is better than 50 children not doing these things.  If you get caught up thinking about the bigger picture (which I tend to) then you can easily feel like your efforts will be forgotten.  That's not to say I was useless, there was a great need for me at the school, I worked incredibly hard and I don't think anything was a wasted effort.  The project can't exist without volunteer input and funding and I was able to use some of my skills and knowledge to help the teachers.

I hope I'm making sense and I am conscious that I haven't actually told you what I have done here!  Now this would be an essay... so instead let me offer you the chance of reading my report for the Zukri Foundation, if you want to see it please ask and I'll email it to you, and if you want to see a list of the donations we have given to BACCA 2, especially relevant to those of you who have sponsored the project, please also ask.

Thanks for listening, see you all after climbing Mount Kilimanjaro... eek xx